R-Typed's Scrapyard.

Current Music:	Star Salzman - Temporary Insanity
Security:
Subject:	"I'm going insane.."
Time:	02:44 pm
Current Mood:	relieved

God damnit! Why must I be obsessed with Battle Royale? I'm probably going to kill someone if I don't get it outta my head.

Well, folks, it's another one of those "I shouldn't never got up from the bed" days, mom woke me up on 11 AM though I went to sleep on 4:30 AM and then handed over a bill from the library, I forgot to take a Spider Man comic book back there and started looking for it, AND I CAN'T FIND THE DAMN MAGAZINE FROM ANYWHERE!!! I'm going to scream. I've actually screamed several times already but I'll scream again. AARRRGHH WHY MUST LIFE BE SO FUCKING COMPLICATED NOW WHERE'S THE FUCKING COMIC BOOK!?!?!?!?!?

Now I probably broke my jaw. I hate my life.

You know, yesterday I just decided "Hey I'll draw Iris!" and so I did, and put it in deviantART. And BOOM, suddendly it had 2 favourites and a shitload of positive comments. Damn, I must try again.

Edit: Whoa! I searched for the damn comic book for, let's say, 3 hours and then mom called the library and they told me I've already returned it and the bill's pretty late. What a relief. I'm so happy that it even stopped raining outside.

comments: Leave a comment

Current Music:	Seiken Densetsu 3 - This heart (OC Remix)
Security:
Subject:	More teenaged thinking.
Time:	07:33 pm
Current Mood:	sad

I'm having an identity crisis. I'm not sure what or who I am. I'm not sure what I want to be or what I could be. I'm pretty confused because I think I'm pushing and forcing myself to be something that I'm not. I'm not giving myself any chance to just lay down and think about things, I just want to go straight forward at the speed of light. I just make myself become something that I'm not, but I'm somewhat glad because I'm trying to grow up as a good person (which I wouldn't be if I hadn't "trained" myself), but sometimes I'm just asking too much from myself. But this evening I'm going to do what I really want to do. Or actually find out what I want to do.

Usually drawing makes things much better. But now I'm not sure what I want to draw. Could I draw an angsty but poetic picture, or probably a humorous joke, just a plain pose or maybe a romantic image? I've been using all my strenght to make myself like a people I currently idolize. But this evening I realized I'm not sure if that's the thing I want.

I want to be myself, but it's hard when I don't know what I really am. I just need time exploring more my true needs. I've changed a lot in one year, but something just keeps coming with me, and that's my personality. I have a personality, but I simply don't know what I'm going to do in the future, because I think everything is so hard. This age is just horrible. I'm too young to cuss, being taken seriously or making my own decisions at all. But I'm too old to be carefree, to be a child or to play outside hide 'n' seek or stuff like that. I wish I'd grow faster.

I sometimes am crying for attention but as often as I do that, I want to be just alone. But at the times like these.. I feel like I'm need of them both.

comments: Leave a comment

July 30th, 2004

May 11th, 2004